Just A Small Break

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

Kirsten had only been here for a couple hours and she was already sick of the place. Her "cell" was boring, the cafeteria reminded her of school and the worst part was that she couldn't find her way out. It was like the place was a box with no holes poked on top to let you breathe. After looking around for a couple of hours, Kirsten grabbed some juice from the kitchen and headed out to the garden for a little break. She sat down on a bench next to some tulips, sipped her juice, and tilted her head back.
What a mess...
She should be grateful she was here and not in prison, or worse - with her parents- but she couldn't bring herself to want to stay. She longed to get out of there. Although she had forbid herself to, she began thinking of the people that actually cared she was in this hole. Her parents didn't care either way, but her brother did. He had been crying his eyes out. She missed him already. How could they tear the siblings a part so easily?
Her friends had been upset too. They repented their actions in daring Kirsten to steal the car and getting her in this mess. They had promised to call her and write. Which reminded her, she still had her cell phone. Suddenly, she was a little excited. She took the cell out from her pocket. Her parents had been reluctant to give this to Kirsten, but in the end they deemed it necessary.
She flipped it open and checked her messages. There was 1 text from her friend Lizzy.

How's the food at your new home?

Kirsten laughed. It was just like Lizzy to ask about that. She was probably trying to cheer Kirsten up. She typed back quickly.

Tastes just like the school's cafeteria food.

She hit send and then pocketed her phone. A sigh escaped her mouth and she took another sip of juice. She leaned back on the bench. It had been raining earlier but it had cleared up and now the sun warmed Kirsten's skin and shined on her white blond hair. Her eyes were closed and she was wearing one of her crazier outfits. After she had come here, she had changed since her clothes smelled like her father's car.
She now wore another of her low cut shirts, a purple one and a black miniskirt with purple leggings. On her arms she wore pink arm warmers and she had black strappy heels and pink anklet on. The whole ensemble was miss matched but it didn't matter to Kirsten. She had her own unique style and if someone disliked it, let them go to hell. She'd wave and smile as they went.
Another sigh went through her. It was seeming hopeless, now.

[Alec Andrews]

Alec was having somehwat of an off day. First, he gets sent to Michigan State, which is practically an asylum. Second, he has to say goodbye to his grandmother, the only person who had every truly cared for him. Third, he walks into the entrance and has a panic attack right in front of a bunch of people. Fourth, his cell smelled like a dog took a piss inside of it. Gross. Did they not clean the rooms before letting new kids inside? All in all, it was a pretty depressing day, but Alec was hoping that by maybe going outside to hang out in the gardens would cheer him up a bit. Maybe he would meet some people.

Before he went outside, Alec quickly changed out of his travelling clothes into something that looked a bit better. He pulled on a pair of semi tight jeans in a dark washed color, which he matched with a white T-shirt stating that it came from Abercrombie and Fitch in bright blue lettering. He also pulled on his favorite tennis shoes before hurrying as fast as he could out of the building. He looked around the gardens a little bit with a huge smile plastered on his face.

Now this was the type of place he actually enjoyed being in! It was bright and sunny, the grass was green and the flowers were colorful. He tilted his face up to the blue sky to let some of the suns rays hit his face. He sighed with content and continued walking around. He looked at the flowers and actually bent over to smell a few of them. Once, he almost started flat out chasing a butterfly in a failed attempt to catch it. Out of the corner of his eye, after he stopped running, he spotted a flash of bright color.

He turned in that direction and saw a blonde girl sitting on a bench with her face tilted up toward the sun like his had been moments earlier. It was her clothing that had caught his attention. Purple and black and hot pink. Alec grinned, he liked her style. Alec shrugged his shoulders and sat down next to her. "Hi!" He said enthusiastically, smiling brightly at her. "I'm Alec, nice to meet you!" He hoped that she wasn't one of the violent types who would just hit him and walk away. He enjoyed having actual conversations with people. And besides, she looked like a fun person to be friends with, so why not try?

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

Kirsten hadn't seen the boy waltzing around the garden. She noticed him as he sat down and introduced himself though, and she quickly smiled back. Her piercing blue eyes opened and looked at him. The sun's light made them sparkle. Her eyes were one of her more attractive parts. She rolled her shoulders back in a more relaxed posture and looked at him more full on.
"Nice to meet you too. The name's Kirsten. Or Kirsty. Whichever, really." The first thing Kirsten usually did was asses someone's clothes. She looked at him up and down. His outfit was comftorable casual and a clean look. It was nice. She looked back up at his face.
"So, what are you in for, Alec?" she asked nonchalantly. She wondered what he would think if he found out she stole a car. This kid was obviously not in for any crime. He seemed too nice. Maybe he had a cheeriness disorder? Like that existed.
Her cell phone started buzzing - probably another text from Lizzy - but Kirsten ignored it. She wanted to talk to Alec. He seemed nice enough. Maybe this place wasn't all bad. Being sent to Michigan State was the worst thing that had happened to her but maybe it didn't have to be all bad. Maybe Alec was the silver lining to this whole thing. Or maybe Kirsten was dreaming again... Either way, she wasn't picking up her phone.
She moved her gaze from Alec to the flower bed next to them. She admired a purple rose. It was abnormal, but it was there. A very purple rose. It seemed a lot like her. She had always stood out and been considered a bit different than other kids. She was abnormal. The dare devil who didn't know when to stop. A purple rose among all the other red roses. The strange one. She had never found that bad until her parents admitted that they hated her.
Why was she worrying about this now? She pushed the worrys out quickly and turned her gaze back to Alec, making her expression look joyful and happy like it was a great day to be alive. In reality, it wasn't like that at all. This Alec kid would probably hate her in the end. Just like her parents... Maybe he wouldn't show it, or maybe he would. One thing was for sure though, he couldn't possibly like her -especially not love her.... No one would. She was unloveable...

OOC: I hope that's long enough, I had to get off earlier than expected.

[Alec Andrews]

Alec brushed his white-blonde hair out of his eyes and smiled back at the girl. "Hello, Kirsten called Kirsty. You have a very pretty name!" He couldn't help but complimenting her. "And I really like your choice of clothing. It's very bright" He always found something to compliment people on because he thought that it normally cheered people up. And Kirsty's clothes really were very cool. Alec liked how the colors didn't exactly match, but were all brought together by the black miniskirt. So he liked clothes? Who didn't? How could people actually stand not looking remotely okay when they left their house/room? It would litterally drive Alec insane seeing someone dressed like a slob. He might even go so far as telling the person that they didn't look very good, but that was highly unlikely.

"So what are you in for Alec?" He should have known this question would be coming along sooner or later. Sooner it was! Even when he was living at home and most people knew about his panic attacks, he never did like talking about them. But who would, really? Who would enjoy talking about a disorder you have? Alec had always found it somewhat awkward when someone brought it up, and even more so if someone actually saw one of his attacks. He prayed for Kirsty's sake that she would never see one. He would end up breaking into a sweat, his breathy would become heavy, he would start to get nausea and dizzyness and most likely start mumbling some odd jumble of words. It was never a pleasant experience, not for himself or the people around him. He was surprised his grandmother had stuck it through with him for so long.

"What am I in for?" Alec repeated, testing the words out on his tongue. He would probably have to get used to spilling his guts to random peopel if he wanted to make any progress here. Kirsten might as well be one of the first he told! "I'm here because I suffer from severe panic attacks. Sometimes I even have them multiple times a day, and let me tell you, it sucks. It really and truly sucks." Now he was curious to see if Kirsty would just get up and run away. She probably wouldn't want to deal with him anymore. She probably wouldn't want to witness one of his attacks. More then a few of his friends had abandonned him when he had one, why should he expect any more here?

"Why are you at Michigan State, Kirsty? Care to share? It's perfectly fine if you don't want to. Some things are private." Alec asked with a shrug. He wouldn't mind if Kirsten didn't want to talk about it. It was, after all, her business. But he wouldn't mind knowing. He learning things about people and getting to know them better. It was one of the things he enjoyed most in life. Making friends and keeping old friendships. Though the latter would be difficult to keep up during his time here...

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

Kirsten grinned at his enthusiasm. She was surprised when he complimented her clothes. Not many people like her style. In fact, they thought she had terrible style. Even her friends questioned her taste. Her parents were especially critical. The constant question she heard from them when she got dressed was, "What the hell are you wearing, Kirsten?!"
"Thanks, you're not too bad yourself Alec," she complimented him back. He was a really sweet kid, but it could be a mask and mask's were easily removed. At least that was what past experiences told her.
When she asked her question he seemed to hesitate though. Was it really that bad?
"I'm here because I suffer from severe panic attacks. Sometimes I even have them multiple times a day, and let me tell you, it sucks. It really and truly sucks."
Oh, man. That was bad. Her big sister instincts told her to give him hug and start sympathizing, but she knew she shouldn't. Sympathy was the worst thing someone could get, although adults didn't seem to realize it. Sympathy was how her parents had hurt her so much. Instead she smiled.
"I see, but you'll definitely get better. I know you will. You'll be fine." She said it so confidently, that you could believe her.
"Why are you at Michigan State, Kirsty? Care to share? It's perfectly fine if you don't want to. Some things are private."
Kirsten sighed and bent her head to look in her lap, shutting her eyes, Her hair hung around her head in folds and her smile still lingered although very small now. It wasn't that she didn't want to answer. It was more like, it hurt to answer for two very painful reasons. One, she was always afraid someone would think of her as a criminal and hate her sooner than they had to, and then possibly run away. The second reason was that tellling people reminded her of her parents and the whole ordeal at the hospital and it just plain hurt to remember.
"I'm at Michigan State because I stole a car and ran a red light when I took it for a spin on a dare," she answered lightly, her voice full of false cheeriness. She waited for a moment for the footsteps or the insults. She looked at it as inevitable. She would always have to deal with the inevitable, so she might as well get used to it.

[Alec Andrews]

Alec smiled brightly at Kirsty when she said he wasn't so bad. Normally most people didn't say anything in return, but it was nice to hear it once in a while. "Thanks, and I did mean it. You're clothes are awesome."

So far, Kirsten seemed to be very nice. She was willing to actually talk and not just sit on the bench in a huff. It was a relief, really. Alec felt lucky that he hadn't run in to someone who was constantly in a bad mood, yet, it was very likely that Kirsten could be one of the angry types if she was aggravated. Alec didn't really want to be the one to find out.

Alec instantly brightened when not only did Kirsten not run away when she told him her problem, but she didn't sympathize. She was actually very encouraging. Telling him that he would get better, and that he would be fine. She understands. He thought. She gets how horrible sympathy is. It was true. There was pretty much nothing he found worse in this world then someone offering sympathy to someone who doesn't want it. It had happened to him too many times to count when people found out about his attacks and he hated every minute of it. Normally, it took all of his self restraint to keep the smile plastered onto his face and to keep himself from yelling out that he didn't need anyone's damn help, that he could deal with things on his own. That was something adults just did not seem to comprehend. That sometimes children do not want their help.

Alec smiled at Kirsty. Thank you. I hope that's true. Not having the attacks woul absolutely make life so much better or me. I just hope these people can help. Though I kind of doubt it." He said with a shrug. As he waited to see if Kirsten would be telling him why she was here, Alec began to wonder about all of the issues she could possibly have. The possibilities were endless.

She could be a liar, she could be depressed. She could be schizo or she could be an addict. She could have anxiety issues or she could even be a sexual degenerate. Thinking of all of these disorders made Alec's head spin. It hurt him to think that so many people in the world had to live with problems in their lives, yet still, even with such a large number of them, all of the 'regular' people still considered people with disorders as crazy.

"I'm at Michigan State because I stole a car and ran a red light when I took it for a spin on a dare," Kirsty said, lightly, though Alec could tell she was faking happiness. He could tell she had probably had a difficulty telling him. In reality, Alec thought that Kirsty's reason for being here was a bit small. Police arrest. He thought it was an odd type to mix with people with actual illnesses.

"So they put you here?" Alec asked, incredulous, with a sly grin on his lips. "I just have one question though. Did you have fun doing it?"

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

Kirsten smiled a bit bigger when he complimented her again. She liked compliments when they were serious. She looked back up at him.
"It's the truth," she said.
She saw his relief when she reassured him. It had been a good idea to stay away from sympathy then. And his response was sweet too.
"Thank you. I hope that's true. Not having the attacks woul absolutely make life so much better or me. I just hope these people can help. Though I kind of doubt it."
"You will. There is always a way. Who can tell? Maybe you'll be swept off by some famous scientist who knows how to stop the panic attacks," Kirsten laughed. "It could happen!"
Yes, Kirsten knew her reason for being at Michigan State was pretty small but she hadn't told the whole reason. That her parents had told the judge about all the dares and stunts Kirsten had pulled and mad her out to be a crazy person who did dangerous things. They said their daughter would probably do better at this mental hospital. They wanted their daughter to get better. Or at least that's what they told the judge during a short recess.
But Kirsten wasn't crazy. She just liked living life to its fullest and did it better than others. There was no way she was crazy. She just did crazy things.
"I just have one question though. Did you have fun doing it?"
Kirsten grinned and winked.
"Did I have fun? How could I not have? It was tricky to get the car but the ride was amazing. Mustang with the top down and the wind blowing through my hair! I had a lot of fun!" She smiled remembering the ride. It had been amazing...
Until of course she heard the siren and saw the flashing red and blue lights. It had scared the crap out of her and once she was caught for the whole thing, she knew she was so dead. She blamed her parents of course. It was all their fault. They had caused the whole incident. They hated her and so she would hate them.
Her face wouldn't show this though, She would never show others this side. It was too dark. She hid it under her own mask. Everyone had their mask. Hers was just especially thick.

OOC: Sorry, it's short

[Alec Andrews]

Alec tossed a grin at Kirsten. ”Thanks a lot. And let's pray to god that there is a scientist somewhere that can do that. I can hardly imagine life without the attacks. They are taking over my life, to tell you the truth." Alec sighed and ran a hand through his unruly hair before rubbing the back of his neck. He looked around the gardens again before attempting something he had been trying ever since he was a little kid. He tilted his face up to the sun and attempted to look directly at the fiery call of gas. He hardly managed to do so before groaning and pressing his hands to his eyes. He blinked rapidly in attempt to clear his vision.

”Shit that hurts.” He mumbled. ”Don’t try it.” Kirsty would probably be smart enough anyway not to try it, but Alec wasn’t one to mess with tradition. Every since he was about three apples tall, whenever the sun was out and very bright, Alec would attempt to stare straight at it. His grandmother used to get very angry at him for doing so, she was afraid he would end up with bad vision. But so far, Alec’s vision was 20/20, so his grandmother’s worries had been for nothing. What she should have been worrying about at those times was his mental health.

“Well, that’s good then. You should always have fun, even if you’re doing something you really shouldn’t be. If you have no fun, you have no life. That’s my motto. Starting now. I’m going to make my time here as fun as it can possibly be...you with me?” He asked with a laugh after what Kirsten had said about the car stealing episode. He smiled again at the girl sitting next to him. Already, his horrible day was being turned around by one short conversation with a girl who was also in the mental hospital.

Alec was really starting to like Kirsten. Not only did she (as far as he could tell) have a great personality and style, but she was really pretty as well. He sincerely hoped she would never witness one of his panic attacks, because they normally just ended up scaring people away, like they had to some of his friends. He didn’t want that to happen here. He didn’t want to lose friends. He decided that maybe it would be a good idea to warn Kirsty beforehand that it was possible he might get one...maybe that would make it easier if it happened...or make it worse.

”Ah...Er...Kirsty. I think I should probably...I mean...Never mind.” He shook his head and looked down at his lap. He tried. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t utter the words.

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

HEY THERE [ALEC]
what's it like in new york city ?!
• • • •

Kirsten half smiled as he laughed. It must be a hard life with all of those attacks. It would be really nice if Alec could live a normal life. At least someone would. She nodded lightly as he talked, agreeing with him.
She laughed at his attempt to stare at the sun. She had always been told not to do it, but once in a while on a dare or just for the challenge, she would look up at the yellow sun and hurt her own eyes. Of course, she never went blind or anything, but she would get yelled at and be called stupid by her parents. Her parents were behind her now though. She shouldn’t think of them anymore.
“I’ve already done that a million times before Alec. I know the feeling.”
“Well, that’s good then. You should always have fun, even if you’re doing something you really shouldn’t be. If you have no fun, you have no life. That’s my motto. Starting now, I’m going to make my time here as fun as it can possibly be...you with me?”
Kirsten nodded in agreement. “I’m totally with you. I don’t like all those squares that stay holed up in their rooms and don’t have any fun.” She turned her head so she was looking straight, but she didn’t see anything in front of her. Her eyes had a far away look in them. “When I get out of here, I’m going to travel the world. I want to see places and do things I’ve never done before. I will get out of here and I will travel. Then, I’ll have fun like crazy!” She snapped back to reality and looked at Alec. “When your healed, you’ll come with me. Won’t you, Alec?”
She said it so certainly. When you are healed. Not if you are healed. And I will get out of here. Not if I get out of here. She knew her goal and she knew her future. The question was, was she right?
She looked at Alec, curiously, hopefully. No, she couldn’t tell the future, but she believed in it so much. She knew that Alec probably wouldn’t come with her though. He would hate her in the future so it wasn’t possible. Why would he trouble with someone he hates? No one would like her and she would travel alone. It was a shame, really. Traveling with someone had seemed like more fun then being all alone on her trip. Oh, well. That’s how things were meant to be.
”Ah...Er...Kirsty. I think I should probably...I mean...Never mind.”
She tilted her head to the side, questioningly. She wanted to know what he was going to say and curiosity raged in her mind but she didn’t pry. If he didn’t want to tell her then he didn’t have to. It was his choice not hers. She just smiled at him, sweetly. Sometimes, that was the only thing someone could do. Smile and hope their feelings get through to the person. She really wanted Alec to be a true friend but she couldn’t believe in that since she would be crushed in the end. So she smiled, and that was all she could do.

• • • •
NOTES ?!: I just love Alec!
WORDS ?!: 538
TAGGED ?!: Alec Andrews
CREDIT ?!: made by GLAMOPHONIC !? at caution 2.0.

[Alec Andrews]

i think the spotlight always gives you stage fright
†WISH THIS ALL WOULD END RIGHT†

†STOP MAKING MY HEAD SPIN†
it's over but what if we just pretend

Alec laughed at Kirsten's remark about the sun. “I’ve already done that a million times before Alec. I know the feeling.” He held up his hands as though to say he was innocent. "Okay, Kirsty, whatever you say. But next time you look up at the sun and it hurts your eyes, you can't say I didn't warn you! He smiled. Alec was really starting to like her. She seemed like she actually might want to be his friend. He grinned again when she agreed with his new
motto' about having fun.

"Yeah, I don't much understand why people would enjoy just keeping to themselves, not wanting to meet any new interesting people. And I think travelling would be great! I would love to go with you once we get out. The real question is, though, would you want to deal with me after all of this is over?" He winked at her, though laced in his words was some sincerity. Once they were better, would they want to be anywhere near each other? Would they remind each other too much of bad times when they were called insane? Would they want to be around each other after dealing with everything here? Alec sighed and stared out into the colorful gardens.

Alec actually admired Kirsty for her strength in a time like this. She seemed so convinced she was going to leave here healthy, and that he was too. How she could still be so confident after being sent here, he had no idea. First of all, she hardly had an illness. Police arrest doesn't make you insane! And secondly, she was stuck here with people who actually had illnesses, like himself for example. How could she deal with that? How could she still be sitting next to him and talking? She was an amazing girl, to put it simply.

Alec looked over at Kirsty, who had her head thingyed to the side with a questioning smile on her lips. He could tell she wanted to know what he was going to say. Alec knew he should probably tell her. It would be better to warn her of the possibility. What if he had an attack and she was around and not expecting it? It may very well terrify her! She probably wouldn't know what to do about it either...she may start freaking out, panicking herself, and then what? Have two teenagers together both in states of complete fear? What good would that do?

"I...I just thought I should tell you that there is a possibility...That I might..." He swallowed. His throat was feeling parched. "Might have a...An..."He couldn't get the words out of his lips. A feeling that was familiar, yet unknown all at the same time washed over him. His palms began to sweat and he was breathing heavily.

What would Kirsty think now? She's probably going to think I'm crazy! I'm breathing heavily for no good reason...Maybe I am crazy! Maybe it's a good thing I'm here! I'm insane! I shouldn't be alive! What's the use? I'm not doing anyone any good! No one loves me! I don't deserve love! Why should anyone even care about me! Oh god, I want todie!

Almost as soon as the panic attack started though, it was over, leaving Alec feeling spent and nauseous. The attack had come for almost no apparent reason, he had only wanted to warn Kirsty of what might happen, not give her a demonstration! He squeezed his eyes shut and put his face in his hands, hoping that if tears came, Kirsty wouldn't be able to see them.

It was no lie when he said that attacks were taking over his life.

( Words ) 617
( Tagged ) Kirsten
( Lyrics ) camera shy by school boy humor
( Layout ) xxmizzbry of caution 2.0
( Notes ) Finally found a template for darling Alec (: And I really like yours as well. Also, I think I am quite mean for making Alec have a panic attack, but the timing felt right. (:

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

HEY THERE [ALEC]
what's it like in new york city ?!
• • • •

"Okay, Kirsty, whatever you say. But next time you look up at the sun and it hurts your eyes, you can't say I didn't warn you!”
Kirsten grinned at Alec. He had a ton of energy it seemed.
“Fine, I won’t say you didn’t warn me. What do I say then?” she teased him. Now, she was just being silly for no good reason. That was ok. Silly was better than most things she could be right now. She could be depressed. Nope. Silly was way better.
"Yeah, I don't much understand why people would enjoy just keeping to themselves, not wanting to meet any new interesting people. And I think travelling would be great! I would love to go with you once we get out. The real question is, though, would you want to deal with me after all of this is over?"
She frowned. It was a stupid question… for him. It should be turned around.
“Of course I would want to go with you. Don’t say something so stupid, Alec! Besides, I don’t think you’d want to come with me once we get out of here anyways. You’ll end up like everyone else.” She closed her eyes slowly, a little upset. Why had he gone and said that? She didn’t want to hear that again!
Kirsten really did like Alec. He was enthusiastic and sweet. He was almost like a little kid with his childish personality. He was loveable and reminded her of her little brother, but in the end everyone hated her. She couldn’t hope for Alec to like her in the future. He would just disappoint her that way. She would hang out with him for now and it would seem like they were friends but inside, Alec would probably hate her always. He would be disgusted like all the others. No matter how people tried to hide it, Kirsten saw their true feelings about her. She just wished she had seen it sooner in her parents. Her oblivious and child self had been oblivious to her parents’ feelings and hadn’t seen the obvious hatred. It had been her undoing. She wasn’t going to make that mistake anymore. She would have to be more careful around people, even Alec.
She looked back at Alec who seemed to be struggling with words. What was wrong now?
"I...I just thought I should tell you that there is a possibility...That I might... Might have a... An..."
Kirsten gazed at him confused. He might have a what? There was a whole rainbow of words that could finish that sentence. She smiled at him encouragingly. What was it that was so hard to say out loud?
“A what Alec?” she asked curiously, but not at all pushy. Then he started breathing heavily and he seemed to be freaking out. What was wrong? “Alec?” she asked worriedly. She told herself to stay calm and not panic… Panic! He was having a panic attack! She didn’t really know what to do but she couldn’t freak with him because that would just make it worse. She stayed confident and grabbed his hand. She squeezed it reassuringly, hoping that it would be over quick. She would wait it out with him. When he seemed to calm down, she watched his face go down into his hands but she grabbed onto one of them again.
“You ok, Alec?” she asked lightly with a worried smile on her face. She put her other hand on his cheek and lifted up his face so she could see him. Her older sister personality told her what to do as she comforted him. She was surprised that it had been so severe. Was this what he wanted to tell her?
“It’s all right now, ok Alec?” she said softly, her piercing eyes gazing straight at him.

• • • •
NOTES ?!: You're so mean! >_< Poor Alec!
WORDS ?!: 641
TAGGED ?!: Alec
CREDIT ?!: made by GLAMOPHONIC !? at caution 2.0.

[Alec Andrews]

i think the spotlight always gives you stage fright
†WISH THIS ALL WOULD END RIGHT†

†STOP MAKING MY HEAD SPIN†
it's over but what if we just pretend

After the attack, Alec vaguely heard Kirsty asking him if he was okay. She had grabbed his hand and his face so that he couldn't look away. Now she could without a doubt see all of the tears that were sliding down his cheeks. He felt like a child who needed his mother. He shrugged his shoulders slightly in response to her earlier question. He was hardly okay. He still wanted to go curl up somewhere and die. Wouldn't that make everyone happy? He squeezed his eyes shut again. When he opened them, Kirsten's eyes were staring straight into his.

“It’s all right now, ok Alec?” She had asked. Alec shook his head. It wasn't all right. It wasn't all right because that could happen again at any given moment, at any given time. It was out of his control, and he hated it. He hated the fact that he could be in the middle of a conversation, like he had been now, and he would suddenly start freaking out. Why him, though? Why did he have to be the one who had the panic attacks? Why was life so unfair? But those weren't good things to think. He would never wish this upon someone else. He would never want anyone else to have to deal with this horrible disorder, there couldn't be anything worse in the world, really, constantly panicking. He sniffled and wiped the tears off his cheeks, embarrassed.

"It's not okay because I know it's going to happen again. I'm not all right because I panic about everything. It's really not okay." He said quietly, averting his eyes. He didn't really want to look at her, he felt so badly. She had been the reason for the attack in the first place, and she probably knew it. What good would that do anyone? She was probably feeling horribly about herself right now, and it was all his fault. If he could just have a regular conversation with someone, this would have never happened! He sighed, he knew what was coming next.

"It's fine if you run. I'm used to it now. Everyone runs, they always do." It was true, the only people who hadn't run after seeing one of his panic attacks were his grandmother and a few of his closest friends. The only people he had ever had a relationship with had run. It must be the automatic response to something like that. Running away from your problems so you don't have to look at them, or deal with them anymore. If only Alec could run away from himself, how much better life would be.

( Words ) 439
( Tagged ) Kirsten Barker
( Lyrics ) camera shy bby school boy humor
( Layout ) xxmizzbry of caution 2.0
( Notes ) c'est court! It's so short!

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

HEY THERE [ALEC]
what's it like in new york city ?!
• • • •

Kirsten was a little confused. What exactly had happened? She saw the tears and used a finger to wipe one away. She smiled slightly at him. Worry was all over her face. Yes, it was probably because of her, but that didn’t mean a thing. Of course, he would probably hate her now, but that didn’t matter either. What mattered was if he was all right or not? She gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. This wasn’t his fault. She now realized the full effect of his panic attacks. She forced herself not to sympathize, but just to help. It had stopped now, so he would be ok for the time being. I mean, two panic attacks in a row couldn’t happen could they?
He shook his head and her eyes narrowed but the smile stayed. She was going to stay calm because if she over reacted then so would he and then everything would be out of control. She would take the situation and make it better.
"It's not okay because I know it's going to happen again. I'm not all right because I panic about everything. It's really not okay."
This brought a frown out. “Yes, it will probably happen again but it stops Alec. It’s not okay, you’re right. But at least you’re okay, right? At least you’re not in a grave. Trust me, if you were I would be really upset.” She said, comforting and serious. She was speaking the truth. She would be sad and upset if Alec died even though he hated her. He had talked to her and she had thought of him as a friend, though she realized hate when she saw it. She could think of him as a friend and still wouldn’t be disappointed when betrayed. This panic attack had probably been her fault since he had tried to warn her. That may be true but it wasn’t something to linger on. She could worry about that later. What was more important, was Alec in his current state.
“Think of something happy and you’ll get through tight spots easily. Stop panicking about little things and if you’re close to an attack think of something you love. I don’t know, maybe a chocolate chip cookie. She laughed.
"It's fine if you run. I'm used to it now. Everyone runs, they always do."
“What the hell are you talking about?” Kirsten looked at him, shocked and angry. “Who’s going to run? Idiot! I’m not afraid just because you had a damn panic attack, Alec! I’m worried about you! There is no way that I’m going to run! Stop being depressed and start being more optimistic! If you have time to be upset about a panic attack think of ways to help yourself!” She crossed her arms angrily.
“Seriously…” she muttered. “Thinking I would run over something like that. I wouldn’t run from a friend, especially when they need help.”
She was frowning and a little annoyed. How could he think that she would run? That is so stupid, it isn’t even funny!


• • • •
NOTES ?!: Meh! It's fine. Gave me a lot of muse.
WORDS ?!:512
TAGGED ?!: Alec
CREDIT ?!: made by GLAMOPHONIC !? at caution 2.0.

[Alec Andrews]

i think the spotlight always gives you stage fright
†WISH THIS ALL WOULD END RIGHT†

†STOP MAKING MY HEAD SPIN†
it's over but what if we just pretend

Alec didn't know exactly what to think. Kirsty had wiped away his tear, she had comforted him and she hadn't run. What was going on? She was doing what pretty much no one had ever done for him before. It was a strange situation for him to be in. “Yes, it will probably happen again but it stops Alec. It’s not okay, you’re right. But at least you’re okay, right? At least you’re not in a grave. Trust me, if you were I would be really upset.” What? Most people would probably be relieved if Alec were to end up in a grave, yet this girl he had known only for minutes would be sad if he were to die? He didn't really understand the situation, but he liked it. "You...you'd be sad?" He asked, really feeling like a little kid.

He grinned slightly at her comment about the chocolate chip cookies. She was really starting to cheer him up, surprisingly, and what she was saying about not lingering on little things was really quite helpful. Why hadn't any of his therapists said that? They had only ever told him to stay calm, not how to stay calm. He smiled at the sound of her laugh. Slowly, his heart rate was slowing down and he was starting to feel a lot more calm. Kirsty was a very big help. But he had made her angry.

"What the hell are you talking about? Who’s going to run? Idiot! I’m not afraid just because you had a damn panic attack, Alec! I’m worried about you! There is no way that I’m going to run! Stop being depressed and start being more optimistic! If you have time to be upset about a panic attack think of ways to help yourself! Seriously…Thinking I would run over something like that. I wouldn’t run from a friend, especially when they need help.” Oh. OH! Alec couldn't help his next action, it was just automatic. He wrapped his long arms around Kirsty who was sitting next to him with her arms crossed and a frown on her lips.

"You're not going to run? Really? Thank you so much, Kirsty. You wouldn't believe what that means to me..." And it meant a lot. To have only known someone a few minutes and already they weren't running away when he had an attack was an amazing thing to him. Even some of his closest friends had run away. How could Kirsten not want to? Well, she may want to run if he didn't stop hugging her soon. With a sheepish grin, Alec brought his arms back to his sides. "Ah...Sorry! I'm just so happy that you aren't running away...and yeah..." He mumbled, embarrassed. But it was true. He was amazed. And totally cheered up. Maybe the panic attack hadn't been such a bad thing after all, he had found out that not everyone was afraid to face problems, that some people, like Kirsten, faced them head on.

( Words ) 499
( Tagged ) Kirsty (:
( Lyrics ) camera shy by school boy humor
( Layout ) xxmizzbry of caution 2.0
( Notes ) Aweh (: I kinda liked this one.

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

HEY THERE [ALEC]
what's it like in new york city ?!
• • • •

Kirsten watched Alec’s reaction to her words curiously. He seemed surprised. Why would he be surprised? She had only tried to comfort him really. Was there something she had said?
"You...you'd be sad?"
She nodded vigorously. “Of course I would be sad Alec!” she scolded. “My friend would be dead. Why wouldn’t I be sad? Did you think I would be happy?” She shook her head. “No way.”
He smiled though. Guess the cookie remark had worked. She had been serious though. She liked thinking of stars most of the time. There was no telescope in this place, at least not yet and she hadn’t had a chance to look out at the stars. Astrology was the one thing she was good at and looking at the stars had always calmed her. Thinking of something she loved, like stars, just seemed natural to her. It hadn’t seemed so big to her. Maybe it was big for Alec because he had the panic attacks so often?
Out of no where, Alec was hugging her! What had she done to deserve that? She had just yelled at him. She gazed at him, a little surprised. No one had hugged her like this out of the blue. In fact, she hadn’t had many hugs in her lifetime. Her parents hadn’t been very big on them.
"You're not going to run? Really? Thank you so much, Kirsty. You wouldn't believe what that means to me..."
Was that it? That was the only reason that he was so happy?
“I’m not going anywhere Alec.” She patted him on the back awkwardly, unsure of how to react. She giggled quietly. What a situation! She felt him draw back and look at her, an embarrassed smile planted on his face. She smiled back.
"Ah...Sorry! I'm just so happy that you aren't running away...and yeah..."
She laughed. “Is that all that was wrong? You shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I don’t know who ran from you, but they must be chickens to run from you.” She glanced at him, grinning. “No offense.” She was a little surprised that her words had affected him so greatly, but hey! Whatever she could do right? It was bitter sweet though. She knew that eventually, this friendship would turn bitter. He would unmask himself, just like her parents and most of her friends. For now, she would smile and take the betrayal later. She wouldn’t look the gift horse in the mouth. She wouldn’t be able to trust easily, but maybe her heart would open to someone. She just didn’t know who yet.

• • • •
NOTES ?!: I don't like this one! >_<
WORDS ?!: 433
TAGGED ?!: Alec
CREDIT ?!: made by GLAMOPHONIC !? at caution 2.0.