Just A Small Break

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

HEY THERE [ALEC!]
what's it like in new york city ?!
• • • •

Alec was totally flustered and mad. Kirsten was upset that she had made him feel the way he did. She looked up at him and then down at her hands and started to fidget with the yellow tulip in her hands. It felt like Skylar all over again. Sky had token forever to convince her that he loved her and that he didn’t hate her but Kirsten had given him a hard time just like she was with Alec. She felt bad about that too. Eventually, Kirsten did trust him and now the two were going out. She wasn’t sure if she could do that with another person. Trusting two people was a bigger step than trusting one and Sky had been so much different than Alec. She wanted to trust Alec like she had wanted to trust Sky but it was hard to do that. After being betrayed like she had, it was hard to trust anyone around her anymore. What was the point of befriending someone if in the end, they told you they hated you and left you forever? There wasn’t one.
"If that is what you want, I won't try. And I was in no way trying to hurt you."
She looked at Alec with depressed eyes and a sad expression to match it. One part of her wanted to call him a liar and tell him to stop telling her that. Another part wanted to tell him she believed him and trust him. She didn’t know which one to follow. Her heart was telling her two separate things and they were hard to choose from. He was a sweet, kind, nice, unfortunate, happy, and amazing boy but she just couldn’t bring herself to open her heart to him. At least, she couldn’t all the way.
"You aren't ugly, at all. You aren't stupid, you aren't emotional, you aren't a bitch, I have my doubts you are a slut, I'm not afraid of you and there is nothing else because I don't hate you.
His words just about broke her heart. She gave him a broken look before looking down at the flower again making her expression the blank mask she typically used. What he had said was that she was likeable basically but she was unable to fully believe that. Sky had said the same thing only with different words and she still wasn’t totally sure she believed him. She brought the flower to her face and breathed in the freshly cut smell it gave off. Flowers didn’t have to worry about this sort of thing. They didn’t have parents or mental hospitals. All they had to do was live. She admired the pretty tulip in her hands that Alec had given her only moments ago before she had went and ruined the whole conversation with her damn negativity.
“Please, trust me.”
She couldn’t hear the rest of his sentence because those pleading words had just hit home on her heart. She stopped fooling around with the flower and looked up at Alec with stricken eyes. He wanted her to trust her and she wanted to trust him so why was she acting stupid and didn’t just trust him? He mouth opened as if she was about to say something but no sound came out and she shut her mouth. She gave it a moment of thought before saying three words that were sacred to her. She hadn’t used those words since she had spoken to Sky and she didn’t really think she would use those words with anyone else either.
“I trust you.”
She frowned when they came out and not because she didn’t think she was right when she said them. It was because it felt right. Maybe it was a little odd when the words slipped from her lips but they were definitely good words and they were oddly meant for Alec. She was confused but at the same time she was sure. It was a strange feeling.

• • • •
NOTES ?!: I have tons of muse for this post so yea... I like this one! Unlike the vampire of a post I made in the Social Area.
WORDS ?!: 670
TAGGED ?!: Alec!
CREDIT ?!: made by GLAMOPHONIC !? at caution 2.0.

[Alec Andrews]

i think the spotlight always gives you stage fright
†WISH THIS ALL WOULD END RIGHT†

†STOP MAKING MY HEAD SPIN†
it's over but what if we just pretend

Alec felt like it was taking a century for Kirsten to speak. She just stared at him with those sad blue eyes and he wondered if he had made a mistake in trying to get her to believe him. Maybe she just didn't want to believe what he was saying, maybe she didn't want him around. He watched her silently and he knew that there were a thousand little things running about in her mind. He bit his lip when she looked down at the pretty little tulip he had given her earlier. He watched quietly as she brought the yellow flower to her face and inhaled it's sweet scent. He was about to stand up and walk away, for he felt somewhat humiliated, when Kirsty's eyes snapped toward him and she opened and closed her mouth a few times before saying three words that made his heart just soar.

“I trust you.”

Alec's mouth then did exactly what Kirsten's had. It opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out. He really didn't want to question her decision and make he rethink everything again, but he could hardly help the words he then said. "I...really? You do?" He could hardly believe it. Had he actually convinced her? Had he actually been able to convince the un-convincible girl that he really liked her? He couldn't wrap his mind around it, and he didn't care either. He then proceeded to smile like a little kid on Christmas morning, he was so happy.

Had he actually managed to find a friend on his first day at Michigan State? Could it be possible? Of course, Alec knew that he was a social person, but to find a friend that actually trusted him on the first day here was mind-boggling. He thought of all the friends that he had had to leave behind, and for a moment, he began to feel sad, but he pushed those thoughts away. Most of those 'friends' had run away when he had needed them the most, and already Kirsten had done something that most of them had never been able to do. That in itself was an amazing thing to him, so he wasn't going to dwell on the bad memories. He decided at that moment that life in Michigan State was going to be about new beginnings. no matter how cheesy and lame that sounded.

He smiled brightly at Kirsty and had to resist the urge to clap and jump with joy. "I...Thank you. Is that the right thing to say in a situation like this? Because I mean I'm happy, and I'm glad you trust me, and..." He spoke rapidly, and his palms began to sweat slightly and he felt a familiar feeling coming on. He took a deep, calming breath and shook his head slightly. Had he really been about to have a panic attack over that? That just goes to show how severe his problem was. He laughed nervously. "Yeah, uh, sorry about that." He shrugged and bit his lip.


( Words )508
( Tagged )Kirsten
( Lyrics )camera shy by school boy humor
( Layout )xxmizzbry at caution 2.0
( Notes )I don't even have an opinion on this! : P

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

HEY THERE [ALEC!]
what's it like in new york city ?!
• • • •

Kirsten wanted to laugh at how surprised Alec was acting. Well, it was almost to be expected since she had given him such a hard time. She smiled weakly at him and nodded in reassurance. Yes, she trusted him. She was a little frightened that he would turn around and hurt her in the end. Trusting someone to Kirsten was like giving them a knife. You had to be sure that they wouldn’t stab you with it in the end. She wasn’t sure if she was right in giving Alec a knife but when she began to trust Sky, it was a nice feeling and she wanted to have more of that feeling. Trusting Alec seemed like the right thing to do anyways. Of course, she was beginning to trust other people but she didn’t think she could ever trust her parents again. That was a lost cause right there. If she even tried, she would probably be hurt and be sent into denial again. She didn’t want to reenact the hospital again. She didn’t want to be in pain anymore. She wanted to get out of the rut that her parents had caused her to fall in. With a sudden and shocking moment of feelings, she realized she wanted to trust people again. She looked at Alec for a moment, amazed that a talk with just this one guy, she realized how much she really wanted to trust people.
"I...Thank you. Is that the right thing to say in a situation like this? Because I mean I'm happy, and I'm glad you trust me, and..."
Kirsten giggled but didn’t really say anything. She was totally immersed in the fact that she wanted to trust others. She felt so stupid and idiotic. She had pushed people away for a while now. It never occurred to her that she wanted to pull them closer. The pain her parents had caused had frightened her to the extent that she didn’t believe in anyone anymore. It was troubling. She suddenly realized that Alec looked a little panicky. Was he having another panic attack and so soon after the first one? The damn attacks really were taking over his life. She got ready to help with what she could but before she could do anything, he had suppressed it. She tilted her head to the side, confused over what exactly had happened right then.
“It’s fine, but did you just stop the attack?” She smiled. “Not that that’s a bad thing or anything but, you seem fine now and a second ago you looked all nervous.” She shrugged thinking she sounded inarticulate. She could barely make sense out of what she was saying. It only made her feel even more stupid than she really was. She frowned and then smiled again, in a hopeful attempt to keep cheerful. When she was sad, it made her think of negative things and she didn’t like the creepy feeling that sadness brought with it. Kirsten was made to be a happy person it seemed.

• • • •
NOTES ?!:meh, i hate this post as well as the other ones i hate.
WORDS ?!: 508
TAGGED ?!: Alec
CREDIT ?!: made by GLAMOPHONIC !? at caution 2.0.

[Alec Andrews]

i think the spotlight always gives you stage fright
†WISH THIS ALL WOULD END RIGHT†

†STOP MAKING MY HEAD SPIN†
it's over but what if we just pretend

“It’s fine, but did you just stop the attack? Not that that’s a bad thing or anything but, you seem fine now and a second ago you looked all nervous.” Kirsty said, and he shot a grin her way. Had he really just done that? It made no sense whatsoever that he could have possibly stopped a panic attack in it's tracks, but what else could that have been? He laughed slightly when he saw Kirsten's very confused expression.

"Yeah...I guess I did!" After that, Alec couldn't help but think that Michigan State might actually be good for him. Or well, Kirsty might be good for him, if that made any sense at all. The girl would probably never realize what an impact she had already made on his life, but that was fine. As long as he knew how much of a difference she had made, that was fine. He was surprisingly glad that he had happened to walk into the gardens when he did. If he hadn’t he wouldn’t have met this wonderful girl! And if he hadn’t he wouldn’t have had that panic attack earlier...But if he hadn’t had that one he wouldn’t have been able to suppress the next one! But he also wouldn’t have made Kirsty upset...But now she trusted her! Man. Alec was starting to realize that being Kirsty’s friend may be like riding on a roller coaster at top speed, and he was looking forward to it.

It was a total spur of the moment thing when, really without thinking, Alec flung his arms around the girl next to him and squeezed her tightly, hugging her for the second time that day. “Thank you again...For everything.” He removed his arms from the girl. Though he really would have much rather kept them there. For a long time. But of course, he had just met the girl even though it felt to him as though he had known her a long time. How long had he been sitting there, anyway? It felt like forever and right now, he didn’t mind it one bit. He sincerely hoped to god that Kirsten wouldn’t turn on him, because he really wanted to be her friend. More then a friend. He was glad that she said that she trusted him, but he hardly knew whether or not that trust would last. Someone could say something, or she could overhear something and that trust could be gone in an instant. He hoped that nothing like that ever happened.


( Words ) 421
( Tagged )Kirsty
( Lyrics )camera shy by school boy humor
( Layout )xxmizzbry at caution 2.0
( Notes ) BOOOOO! This is horrid!

[Kirsten Elle Barker]

HEY THERE [ALEC!]
what's it like in new york city ?!
• • • •

Kirsten grinned as he realized himself that he had stopped a panic attack. He had been able to himself without a counselor or a doctor. “Told you that you would be alright, didn’t I?” she asked sweetly. She was happy for Alec. He didn’t deserve any of the attacks he had. All he had to do was smile and then the attacks wouldn’t dare to mess with him anymore. The key was to stay positive. Now, Kirsten felt like a damn psychiatrist. She smirked at herself. She hated any authority and now she was thinking like the very people she hated herself. What an idiot she was. He seemed so excited about it and she was happy that he was happy.
She wanted to trust people. Really? She hadn’t thought about that. She only knew that she was frightened of trusting people. Whether she wanted to or not weren’t factors in the equation. She hadn’t ever though of that kind of thing before. Alec may not have realized it but he had just brought to light something totally new that was so crucial to her whole reasoning of life. It was something that would determine her future from then on and he had just showed it to her. She made a mental note to thank Alec in the future when she could explain the whole thing to him and they were out of the asylum. She was elated even now that she now knew her own feelings. She had been blinded by the fright of pain and the pain that trust seemed to want to bring to her. She had always thought that no one could like her so it was useless getting into a relationship with other people. It would only end in more pain and she would spiral into another depression and crash and burn just like before. It wasn’t something that Kirsten would like so she had avoided it by avoiding relationships or anything to do with trust. Now, she was gaining a whole new perspective on it all. If she wanted to trust them why didn’t she? Just because trusting her parents hadn’t worked out well, didn’t mean trusting Alec or Sky or anyone else wouldn’t. It would be easy to fall in to a trusting relationship. She didn’t want to be distant anymore! She wanted to trust people.
As she was totally absorbed in these thoughts she was scooped into a random hug by Alec. He had done this before and this time Kirsten hugged him back, grinning at his thanks. “I’m the one who should be thanking you,” she whispered into his ear before drawing back and offering him the yellow tulip in her hands. He had suddenly given her another chance again. He had brought a light down on her. She would tread carefully but she would still trust others once more. Alec truly was a sun. He had lit up the darkness that had surrounded Kirsten only moments ago. “I owe you big time,” she commented quietly, smiling. The expression on her face had turned cheerful and bright and her beautiful features shined through again. The bright spark in her eyes was back now and she was happy. Alec had really helped her out.

• • • •
NOTES ?!: I love this post unlike the others! Even though it's only so many words... Still, it's a good post I think.
WORDS ?!: 542
TAGGED ?!: Alec
CREDIT ?!: made by GLAMOPHONIC !? at caution 2.0.